First of all my friend, just like anyone else in this world, you have every right to reach out, to talk, to hope, to fear, to continue in this life. Going for one's dreams is something more people should do, in my line of thinking. While the journey to experiencing those dreams may be a difficult one to travel at times, I do believe you will find lots of positive things along the way to remember and hold onto as you can. If you never reached out, if you never spoke, you would not have those memories.

You did not fail my friend. The expectation of you to never speak of what happened to you was a more than any soul could have accomplished. That expectation came from those who harmed you, day in and day out. While I understand that you are used to having that expectation placed on you, it is not acceptable and I'm sorry that you are feeling that expectation strongly again.

Of course you are feeling very deeply about your situation. This happened to you, not to us, not to me. These are your experiences, your memories, your life, not mine, not anyone else's. No one can experience your feelings to the depth that you feel them but you my friend. I cannot possibly feel what you are feeling. I may be able to have some understanding of some things if I ever experienced a similar thing, but still, it's not quite the same. What I can have is empathy and compassion and love for you, those are the feelings that overtake me, not those horrible things that you feel and see.

I am here to sit with you, to hold your hand, to hand you a tissue to wipe your eyes, to listen to you, to hear you, to validate you but also to let you know that whatever happened in your life, cannot hurt me, not in the way you think it can. I am here, I am not stepping away. I will wait for as long as it takes until you find your footing and can start talking again. It will happen. I have faith. Even if you don't have faith, I have enough for both of us.