Do you know what fuels my depression?

Not having enough to do.
Not having any structure.

Not having a job!

If I spend too much time sitting around (which you have to do that when you apply for jobs because you sit in front of a computer all day searching for opportunities) it increases my depression.

So, I try to avoid this but if I avoid searching for jobs I will never get a job in general... which means I will stay unemployed, and unemployment is depressing as well!

Do you see the cycle? I know I can stay healthy and better and productive even with my depression. I know I can! However, the process of looking for jobs- which involves isolating yourself a lot for long hours only manages to fuel the depression I have worked so hard to manage.

This totally stinks! I feel as if I was working a steady job- this would all get better for me! I've been looking for one since January of this year! I did get one for like 3 months but they let me go as they don't have enough students registered in the class for me to teach it! I feel like a failure.