Thanks for that. It's hard to put things in to perspective when you're right in the thick of it.
Before I embarked on this current therapy, I was just counting on "time heals". I avoided triggers. I eventually got used to this new, reserved me. But pushing all that inward has forced itself out in other ways. I can never sleep well. I'm losing my hair. I've got acne everywhere. I'm short tempered. I don't really enjoy social situations like I used to. All reasons to get help.
And yet, bringing up all this to the surface is scary as hell. I feel so angry that I have to be challenged YET AGAIN in my life just so I can be normal (ish). It seems like a cruel joke.
I think the worst part is, other than my partner knowing what's going on, I have to put on a brave face. I chalk up the terrible dark circles under my eyes to having a kid (who actually sleeps through the night just fine). Those dark circles are really because my brain won't turn off. And with sleep comes the potential of seeing things I don't want to see.