I am so sick of crashing. I am trying to not cry again at work. It started the way it always does-a week or so of irritability, then crash! depression. I don't think DBT is helping. I don't think anything helps. I don't feel it will ever get better. I am always tired, sore, depressed. I just keep gaining weight and I have no motivation to try to lose weight because my body won't lose weight. I follow weight watchers, exercise etc and then nothing happens, but if I actually eat dessert a few days in a row-bam! I gain 2lbs. (yes I have had blood tests but nothing comes up).

My psychiatrist feels I am just BPD...maybe there's depression there, maybe there's AD/HD there, but all my problems are BPD related. I just don't think it's the case or I don't know. I am sick of being affected by everyone else's moods...so maybe it is BPD. I went to him because I keep crashing like this. My relationship with my common-law husband is not the greatest and probably the cause of so much of this. He's not affectionate-he's stressed out and works insane hours which causes me to have to do everything and get mad at him and resent him. I have asked myself so many times why I am with him because there doesn't seem to be much love anymore. But then, I think it's just because I need someone who is more positive. He drags me down because his work is really stressful and he works so much. But is that fair? I can be a grumpy b---- but he has to be happy and positive all the time to not set me off? And if I was with someone who was always happy and positive would they want to stay with me, wouldn't I start bringing them down? Sometimes I think I am better just being single because relationships just seem so hard...but then I flip out because I am single and don't want to have to be alone (even though I was alone for a long time). When I lived with my mom she used to bring me down a lot too. I can't seem to separate myself from people's emotions.

Anyway-I wasted enough time at work...I better do some actual work. I feel bad wasting my company time (actually the taxpayer's time really since I work for a government funded service)...but what can I do when I can't think and can't stop crying?
Thank You for listening.