I've had suicidal thoughts for a large portion of my life but recently it's been getting worse. Due to recent events, I really hate myself and I can't shake this feeling of hopelessness.

I told my boyfriend this last night and he got really angry at me and called me a coward and pathetic. I get where he's coming from and I realise now that I can't kill myself because it's selfish and would hurt my mom. But now I can't stop feeling completely worthless and depressed.

How do I get rid of this feeling? I feel so alone, but I'm scared if I tell any of my other friends they'll react the same way and end up hating me.

Also, he said he was once depressed and his best friends started getting angry and shouting at him too and he got better. So now he's doing the same to me. Why isn't it working?

I'm also really confused because he said I need to look within myself and ask myself the hard questions in life. But I don't know what that means and he won't tell me. What do I do?

Also, should I try and get him to stop hating me and apologise to him? I feel like he's the only person I really trust to tell all this to but at the same time I don't know if he still cares..​


UPDATE: today I had a talk with him and he wanted to break up because I was a coward, emotionally unstable, weak and unreliable to him. He said I was holding him back from his career in comic books but he still loves me and that we should break up to make ourselves better people.

What does this all mean? And what should I do?