I just had another session yesterday with my T. We talked about a few things, but I did actually bring up this subject. I told her that as my some of my other issues are improving, that I'm slowly realizing the bits and pieces of me that I have left strewn along the road on the way to getting better. This is kind of where my "physical responses" falls.

You see, in order to heal and accept my disability, I had to admit a lot of things to myself and to others. I've been admitting things such as my sexuality to myself for my whole life, but admitting to others (relative strangers) was a new experience. For the most part, my sexual experiences, fantasies and desires have been an internal (personal) thing. I would think and fantasize to these things in order to bring sexual pleasure. So in therapy or my doctor's office, when I would talk about these things I would get aroused and hard. As part of my issue is ED, I've pointed out these erections to my T and my doctor in order to show "hey it's not in my head!"

I guess so long as I was trying to get better, I was willing to do anything if it would help. This kind of meant that I would hide nothing, even if it meant demonstrating that I was aroused by my homosexual experiences and fantasies. Now because some things have gotten better, I'm realizing what I actually said and did, and I'm questionning the logic of my actions.

As for the discussion with my T, she said that she was in no way offended, and that given the circumstances my reactions and actions ar normal. She told me that she's even had a client take his penis out and masturbate during a session, but that she considers abnormal. She said that I can't apply logic to these things. My physical issues, my sexuality, my bodily reactions are all not logical in nature.

Do I feel better now after talking with her? Yes. Although I did avoid admitting to her that during one of our sessions I was so aroused by the discussion that I had actually considered (momentarily) taking my penis out and masturbating because I was so turned on. In that case, logic vetoed the "little head" and I stayed safe.