I saw my T. on Monday and cried afterwards through the next morning but couldn't pinpoint why. I was supposed to have a joint session Wednesday but took it for just me. It was the first time I REALLY said what was on my mind when she asked, talked about my feelings the most and my mom and her emotional distance. I told her I felt like I was 4 years old which we attributed to my first memory of seeking attention from other women at age 6-7 years old. I thought she was frustrated with me but figured out it was transference and I left in a better place.

I still had the longings and heartache after Wednesday's session and yesterday. I always get very nervous seeing her out in public - I've run into her a few times but she didn't see me. I went walking at the park with a neighbor last night and we first saw my T's husband, her son and then her and her camera was pointed right at me trying to get a picture of her son running behind me in a cross country meet. I had teased her that her husband follows me everywhere because I see him ALL the time. So, while walking past her I said "see??!!" and laughed and she laughed too and returned to cheering on her son.
For some reason I feel the most content I have felt in months. I know I should go with it and be happy but I'm wondering how that interaction could have changed me so much. And, unfortunately, I'm aware that tomorrow I may feel completely different.
Anyway, just another strange bump in the road to my better self and getting rid of my neediness of my T. Hopefully I'm not just suppressing my feelings.