Yes, it's not a phobia IMHO, I find that whatever used to be there the desire and confidence to engage something is missing. The way they discribed the brain's inability to connect to a certain part is probably what I am struggling with that I can't seem to explain in words.

I find that when I go out to take care of my ponies/horses I often get overwhelmed and begin feeling like I am running a marathon and I don't "think" to react that way, it just comes over me. I have not worked with them in training them nor have I been able to give lessons, even going into that riding ring is so hard in a way I have yet to be able to truely articulate. The only part of my business I have been able to do is "off premises" and no big functions like I used to do. I feel so guilty about it too. Also because I had been so invalidated for what was truly lost, not only in a physical sense but also in my brain somehow, I feel that was so wrong, cold, mean, wrong.

OE