I feel like we have a lot in common. I was also forced into adulthood far too early and it took me a long time to realize how much of myself I lost after that. The best advice normal people always seem to have are to have people in your life you trust and can turn to. What happens when you feel like you've just burnt everyone out, like they shouldn't have to deal with you. This feels especially true when you've been doing really well and then you slide back again. I'm scared of losing friends because I isolate from them so they wont worry, and scared because I think they will have had enough of my problems to where I just become a burden. I wrote this after my first major psychotic break when things started to clear. It reminds me of your sentence about losing innocence:
How did I let it get this bad without noticing. My head feels like a Hoarders house, disorderly, chaotic, the logical connections not being made. I'm afraid there may be a roomful of metaphorical dead cats buried in their own filth behind one of these doors. And I'm scared. I'm afraid of what I haven't been able to see for so long. I feel like one of those kids you see so rarely on the news that was kidnapped when they were 4, and by some sheer streak of luck they were recovered 12 years later, nearly an adult. They always have this blank look on their face, not relief, or fear, but just wide-eyed confusion and I think they must be thinking "I was missing? How could I have been missing? I've been right here.". I feel like that kid, I just realized Ive been gone, I'm just not sure for how long. Has it been years? Just a couple of weeks?