I'm just looking for any advice and input on my situation. tl;dr I have severe anxiety and couldn't defend myself from termination. Now I can't take care of my affairs properly.

It's been two weeks since I was fired. I'm a total wreck. I made an appointment to see a counselor the day I was fired because I know it's beyond me to cope. I can't see anyone until next week and it's such an agonizing wait. It's not bad enough for the ER, too bad to wait weeks. This system sucks.

And beyond that, I think people from work mistreated me. See, I have crippling social anxiety. I can't defend myself even under the best circumstances. With all this additional stress, I was barely able to communicate with bosses and HR.

I was fired and while I think it was harsh, I don't think it was illegal or anything. I was really upset, some of it had to do with work, but most of it had to do with personal life. I sort of trashed my cubicle after hours and left.

I wouldn't have even been there except I had no where else to go. I was on the outs with my family. I live alone and I didn't think I should be by myself. My anxiety really restricts where I can go. I'm basically a shut-in except for work.

So they fired me. Fine. But they totally isolated me from my department physically and socially. They wouldn't let me come down for my stuff or to say goodbye. None of my coworkers have any idea what happened. Nobody told them.

Here's what you have to understand: I'm really attached to everyone in my department. I basically have no one else. So one day I trash the place and disappear. Of course nobody reaches out to me because they think I did it because I'm disgruntled. Meanwhile I'm sitting at home thinking everybody hated me because they don't call. I didn't learn until yesterday that they were worried about me the whole time. I didn't tell them until yesterday how much I cared for them.

And nobody from HR told me any info about money or benefits. I've never been fired before. I have no idea how unemployment, COBRA, or anything works. I work for a corporation with about 1,000 people. I called and emailed the HR guy multiple times but I know he was ignoring me. I have to see the doctor next week and I need to know how to pay for it. I figured since I wouldn't get severance, I wouldn't get unemployment. But then I learned that the state makes that decision. I needed to know that last week!

Of course, I struggle to convey any of this stuff to the leadership because of my nerves. I wasn't able to explain all the reasons I did what I did. I was way too chicken to go down to HR in person. It's a lot easier to ignore voice mails than a person standing there. I'm absolutely defenseless and vulnerable when I get like that. It's like I never even had a chance.

I feel really terrible for what I did. I feel terrible in addition to how terrible I would have felt otherwise. Getting fired made my anxiety quadruple. I can't go to the store now or take care of myself. And this is a time when I need to take care of myself. There's no way I can go through the unemployment insurance process.

And nobody at work has been helping me. I wrote a letter to the vice president about how they just totally cut me off from all contact. Was that appropriate? I don't think it's okay to do that to a person who is clearly suffering. I've never made trouble before and I've always done well at work. It should have been clear that I was going through some personal crap and needed to be handled with compassion.

I'll tell you any details you need to know. If people just give there perspective or advice, that'd be helpful.

THANK YOU!