So I'm up to session number 4, or 5, I've lost count. As far as I can tell we've not actually started any "therapy" yet, we're still doing groundwork. I may be wrong about that though.

So far I've got two big issues. First is the example I was given to explain how CBT works. I know I'm being picky and it was just one example but I assume the example is one that many people relate to, especially if CBT is going to work for them.

So here's the example, I've had a hard day so I go shopping to relax, I see someone I know but they appear to ignore me, I get upset and think they have ignored me because they don't like me and I go home feeling sick and unhappy. Apparently if, instead of getting upset and thinking the person doesn't like me, I think "Oh they look preoccupied I wonder if they are OK?" and then I ring them up when I get in to find out what's up, then I won't feel sick or unhappy.

Where do I begin with this example not being relevant to me? I don't go shopping to relax and I don't have friends, well I can just about imagine those scenarios so I'll go with them. The BIG problem is that if someone didn't see me, that is exactly what I'd think, they didn't see me, end of. I wouldn't worry why they'd ignored me, I wouldn't worry why they didn't see me (even though I'm quite hard to miss), I wouldn't make any assumptions about their motives at all, so I couldn't think myself better in that situation. I know there are no doubt other scenarios that may be more like my thinking pattern, but being given a scenario that is completely alien to me doesn't fill me with much hope.

The second issue I have is that we are now working on a problem defintion, the trouble is it isn't a definition it is a description. So either we are doing the process wrong or I am misunderstanding the process or quite simply the choice of word (defintion) is wrong. Again, a process that leaves so much uncertainty in my mind doesn't inspire me with confidence.

Despite these doubts I'm sticking with CBT (there's nothing else on offer) and hoping that somehow it will help me out of the rut I'm stuck in. Each session I hope, maybe today I'll get it.