to you.

I am sorry that I've been unable to post....sometimes when I am struggling myself I find it really hard to respond to others posts, and especially if I have a sense that there are similarities between stories and I don't want to be triggered. I also know how awful it can feel if waiting for replies on here.

I don't have any answers but did want you to know that you do have support here. Also that I too found myself married to someone who treated me in ways similar to early abuse patterns. I did read something that went part way to explaining how we imprint patterns of what we 'deem' love and then we search that out in others as it feels familiar. So sad. But not your fault....so please don't blame yourself, ok.

I do hope you have a current T that you can talk this over with, the feelings of suicide come and go for me too. I think it is just part of it. Unfortunately.

Caring thoughts to you.