The last few days I have been so bad. I could have posted under many categories. It is hard to know where to pinpoint my main problem. Still recovering from long term klonopin use, now 19 months out from cold turkey day.

Maybe I am just really discouraged and tired from fighting this so long. I am sure not where I would have thought I would be by now! I really thought I would be much closer to feeling somewhat "normal". Depression and severe anxiety have a tight grip on me. I hardly get dressed, I stay on the couch all day and cannot seem to get the gumption to cook myself anything. I do live alone which makes it easier to be so pathetic.

I have been stuck in the house mostly for this whole 19 months, one reason is the social anxiety and phobia of being outside. Basically fear is ruling my life right now. I know that depression runs in cycles, now that it has been a few days of being so down, I am hoping for a lift. The anxiety never goes away, never!

I could write a book about how this recovery has drastically changed my life, some good things but overall, not great at all.

Maybe the best way to explain it is to list all the symptoms that I am STILL having and won't go away:

severe depression, social anxiety, fear of driving, depersonalization, heart flutters, fast breathing at times, chronic insomnia, daytime sleepiness, zero energy, profound feelings of sadness, cry very easily, heat intolerant, creepy crawly feelings on skin, panic attacks and excessive worry, feelings of terror at times, multiple fears, hopelessness.

With all this present on a daily basis, I don't wonder why I am so depressed. This is a really large order for anyone to support me. I have been sorely without any basically during this whole process, I think I am just purely exhausted and sick of it all!