My OCD is acting up. I wake up every night trying to find information on movies concerning infidelity. I wonder what will happen during the movie, but I cannot find the answers that I so seek. It is getting better, but sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind. Does prayer and listening to Christian music really help? I am looking for the spoilers of the book, which I did and it gives me great comfort.

I have obsessions about fictional characters who commit infidelity and the effect it has on spouses. Interestingly enough, the adulterers are always females and the hurt spouses are always male. I will never know why I have these thoughts. I feel alone. Does it matter why I have those thoughts? Keep in mind that I am not in a relationship. I have never cheated or never cheat been cheated on. I have no idea how painful infidelity is therefore. I cannot watch a tv show or movie without wondering if a female character is committing infidelity. Sexual scenes are what I find disturbing, especially if the woman gets caught cheating. It scares me that I go to the same websites only to find the answers I so seek. The odd thing is I have never seen the movie, which is based on a book that I never read.

It is truly sad since this past weekend it stressed me out to the point where I wake up early in the morning for minutes to hours trying to find spoilers of the movie and of the book. I somehow feel relief after finding the answers to the book, but the movie is based on the book. I have no idea what to do and it worries me. I wish I could face my fears and automatically stop what I am doing. What should I tell my therapist about this? I take medication for both bipolar and anxiety and for a while, it worked.

Now I realize how much I truly hate OCD. I struggle with acceptance including ignoring the thoughts. I also deal with avoidance a lot. Can avoidance be healthy even for an OCD sufferer such as myself? Should I just turn the tv off, not go to the movies, or not read a book? I don't want to do that but it scares me that I cannot even entertain myself randomly. This is sad and scary.

I feel lonely and I have few people to talk to about this. My mother has been told to pray about it or drink something that relaxes me. Will that work, I mean prayer? I even tried to discuss or explain how OCD works. I gave her the example of red cubes where I obsess over the red cubes, which bother me. I spend a lot of time avoiding the red cubes only to perform a compulsion such as drawing pictures of clouds to relieve the pain. My question also is, how do get out of the OCD cycle?