My mood affects what I do to a huge extent. Being depressed makes me a bag of lazy bones and I just want to stuff my face with comfort food and stew in my misery. Then I feel even worse for eating all that chocolate/cake/ice-cream and the vicious cycle of not wanting to improve continues. When I'm really, really depressed and/or anxious, I feel sick at the thought of eating and instead start using/drinking/SH-ing which are of course terrible methods of coping. If I'm hypomanic, self-care doesn't cross my mind at all and I am either too irritated or elated to give a crap. The impulsivity and short fuse all but takes over.

So basically, what I'm trying to say is that moods play a big role in my self-care routine. This is probably true for others too as if we're not in a good psychological state, we can hardly be expected to have the energy to take care of ourselves. My T wants me to eat fish daily, drink lots of water/tea, take vitamins and read the Bible when I am suicidal. I wish I could follow her instructions to the T (pun unintended LOL) but it's often not the case. Of course, daily schedules can get hectic and overwhelm us despite our best intentions too.

Lastly, this is frankly embarrassing but I am afraid of getting better because I don't want to lose my T. I know that such thinking defeats the whole purpose of therapy yet I cannot stand to lose the one person who understands me so well and actually cares (paid or not) and whom I care so much about.