I think one of the core challenges with PTSD in a lot of people is how they survived by learning to do things "their own way" so their "healing" needs to be that way too. I saw a diagram of the brain and how PTSD affects the brain and it helped me to understand it better. It showed how the PTSD brain reacts to things verses the average brain and how the brain with PTSD is not working in as much unity. That link presented in a thread having a psychology question about BPD vs PTSD, had near the end a discussion about how PTSD has been observed in the brain and it made sense to me in how I have tried to verbalize the way I feel challenged. It makes more sense now about triggers and cycles and being patient until after I experience it and settle down so I can think about it and figure it out better. For example, you were triggered by a word Jane, it made you angry even right? Well, if you look at the diagram and see how the PTSD brain reacts differently, it would help you realize that the word you reacted to just was something that caused your brain to be challenged and it will take your reasoning part of your brain to sort through that so that you don't experience that kind of reaction.

Because they now have this information, they can develop better therapies to help the person understand this and manage it better. It makes even more sense that a patient feel "safe" with the therapist too, because that way triggers can be worked through without the added "stress" of another person adding in their opinion about whatever it is that challenges the patient.

It now makes more sense to me "why" I would have a need to repeat the entire story when I discover a new piece too. Without my even knowing I had been trying to find a way to correct how my brain was having such a hard time reacting to things like I used to be able to do in more unison.

So, it is like knowing how to count from 1 to 20 without much thought or emotion, it's easy. But, when PTSD takes place as a result from a Trauma of some kind that requires a lot more thought because of how the "trauma" came as a surprise and interfered with the way the brain used to be able to count without much thought, that had been something the brain learned how to do "in unison", the brain doesn't "just" see those numbers in unison, it is now confused. How would one "fix" that? Well, the person would have to figure out how the numbers got confused and then "practice" putting those numbers back together "slowly" so that eventually a "new" unison can be developed.

That is why the workbook you have was developed. It is an effort to help a patient find where these numbers got mixed up and slowly put them back in order and help their brain find more "unison" again. However, the key is that it does have to be done "slowly". I can see how anyone would be "intimidated" by it.

We talk about developing a "wise mind" Jane, well, that is what you are learning how to do, have a part of yourself that is willing to be non-judgmental and patient while you slowly discover the things that your brain gets challenged by so that you can slowly understand whatever is disorganized and help yourself learn how to slowly bring it all together better so that you can slowly develop more "unison" when a reminder happens to take place.

It is important to keep the wise mind in an understanding that all troubled memories/challenges are basically "frozen" in time to where the person was only reacting based on what that person "knew" at the time too. Also, at the time the person was challenged, it is really important to understand that at the time the person did "not" have any knowledge of an outcome. Every single person that has an experience that did not come out in a positive manner will always be able to look back being able to see the end result and will have to realize that while they can see what they "could have done better", they are only "learning" about what happened and what they could have done different, the person can never "re-do", but only "learn" instead. This is why people are attracted by observing and reading about different human challenges too. We are designed to "learn" in order to prevent and thrive. Our human history is "full" of all kinds of "stories" of events and how each event was handled and what happened and what was learned from whatever happened. And there has always been "cultural" designs on "how life is supposed to be lived" too. Well, looking back on human history, guess what, we can see how certain "cultural designs" were sometime very archaic and
not very "healthy" even. For example, in one of the threads I posted the way women in the 50's were treated and how they were held responsible if unhappiness was taking place in their marriages. Well, women were definitely told out right "stupid" things Jane, they were basically "blamed" for any dysfunction and even told to "accept abuse" too. These cultural messages are looked upon "now" as really wrong and basically told women to "enable" abusive treatments towards them by their husbands. Women were basically instructed to be "submissive" and that if things were bad, it was their fault, oh that is just "insane" isn't it? However, these messages were handed down by the women of that generation, it was part of how they learned how to count from 1-20. We can actually see it when women who struggle "feel guilty" even now.

My mother is 90 and I can see how she struggled so much, the dysfunction she dealt with and felt that she had to be submissive even when she felt it was wrong. I also see the rules she lived by and believed to be the "right way" to manage a home too. I remember how things changed and how she wanted to embrace some freedoms too, and how much my father "hated" that and kept trying to rein her into submission. Well, I give my mother "credit" because she was a fighter and tried to find ways to "be her own person" anyway. I lucked out because of how my mother encouraged me to "be my own person" too. However, I have noticed how others had mothers that insisted their choices and opinions had to also be the "opinions and desires" of their children too. I have noticed that in how you have discussed how your mother is that type even telling you how wrong you are to not have the kind of dishes "she" feels are what you should have.
Yes, from what you have discribed of your childhood, you had to follow along with "her" way instead of being given the right to develop "your own way". That is something you are going to have to learn how to overcome because that does upset your rythms. That takes "time" Jane. It takes "time" to understand that your mother's behaviors never meant you were "unworthy" to have the right to your own choices. The truth is, she only learned how to count her own 1-20 and never realized her true job as a good mother was to help you develop your "own way" of counting 1-20 and she would love you anyway in a whole hearted accepting way.

We want our families to "love and see us and be understanding" in a true nurturing way.
It really takes time to understand "why" they fail us. I have seen this challenge in every single person who is struggling in this forum. And it never means any of us were ever "unworthy". Every single member I have met has had a hard time with this challenge and finding their way towards gaining ground in overcoming how this kind of "dyfunction" has hurt them in ways they did not realize too.

We all discribe the "wolf that seems to chase us", and in healing, we have to develop our "wise" mind to stop and turn around and face that wolf. That takes "time" and "patience" to do, but the goal is to finally understand, and gain on slowly developing our own healthier way of counting 1-20 in spite of whatever "history" we have that confused that "right".

Jane, while this link was posted in another thread I am posting it again here. When you view this, I feel that it is important to make sure you pay attention to the end where he discusses the way PTSD is shown in the brain and think about what I have said here too. My aim is to help you understand it with your wise mind better so that when you struggle and get triggered, you understand it better and continue to make the efforts to develop "gradually" whatever has been confused in your own mind so that your brain can slowly regain a more unison way of reacting when you experience a trigger.



((Hugs))
OE