Wow, you guys! Thanks so much - I really, really needed to hear all that was said.

I do know myself pretty well and I would always self-destruct before turning my anger outward.

I do though, fear, at times, the level of my anger I FEEL INSIDE and I guess that is what is really frightening to me.

When tragedies like this happen, it always seems to bring out the black and white aspect of my illness - could I actually go that far? Or rather, could my illness TAKE me that far?

These are the thoughts that frighten me and like one of you said, it is just a misconception of what I think mental illness is. Can you believe that? I think like the general public does when it comes to mental illness - and yet I am mentally ill!

Yup, paranoia is reigning here.

Again, thanks to all that replied. I feel much "safer" about myself.

Altered State