_Mouse - Your post made me come out of lurking! I'm adopted, too, and struggle with authenticity in all of my real life relationships. It comes up in therapy a lot, of course. Unlike how I imagine how most people feel, I like the fact that the relationship with my therapist is not a friendship and never can be. He is very real and authentic and when I feel us getting too close I'll say something I know will be hurtful to push him away. Thankfully he knows it's just one of my defense mechanisms and we talk about it.

Like you, the relationship between my son and my husband are the most real relationships I have. I was so worried that I wouldn't feel what I was "supposed" to feel with my son, but I think I do. Unfortunately, being adopted makes me constantly question those feelings and my relationships. It's so hard to be real when I don't even know who I really am.