Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
These kitten stories are so great. You guys have been putting in all this hard work taking care of the kittens, but then you feel rewarded by these sweet interactions. Thats how life works.
It made me realize that my mother didnt feel rewarded by any interactions with me. Rather an eye opener.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Abe Froman
Yeah, mine the same way. One of those dang things therapy has done for me is gotten me mad at my mother about things I didn't know about until now.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
 i try to think of it as solving mysteries. I knew i was a burden, as mkac had written about the kittens being, waking up to feed them. but when she wrote of the joyous parts, i saw that was missing from my life. I dont want to say alternative universe again, but wow there it is. Now i just need to find me a wayback machine  |
Yeah, all of this.
I was using an example of soothing a crying baby in T yesterday (I was referring to taking care of myself) and I couldn't agree with him when I said that I found it gratifying to make the baby feel better. I feel like it's a bad thing to take anything for myself from the act of helping another (or even myself it seems). I do find it gratifying to be able to help someone. I just think that it's wrong somehow that I do. I guess this explains a lot of why I hate asking for help, and I feel like I have to pay people back tenfold for small favors.
And I feel like it's not fair to blame my mom for it, because she was an abused and neglected child too. But, then again, I don't do it with my kids, and my dad was a lot more supportive to my mom than my H is to me...
__________________
'...
At poor peace I sing
To you strangers (though song
Is a burning and crested act,
The fire of birds in
The world's turning wood,
For my sawn, splay sounds,)
...'
Dylan Thomas, Author's Prologue
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