For one you should know, that this isn't a game he's playing, it's a method in how he tries to get you to respond to him. He wants sympathy and love. If that isn't given or seen by him he'll react and do something about. I have BPD myself and this is a common trait to most BPD's. Yes this is an act of attention seeking, but it's not something we're consciously aware of all too much. A lot of times we feel someone doesn't love us enough or they don't care anymore and that lingers in our thoughts a lot. So we make those thought into actions to try and 'test' how well the significant other or the spouse, loved one, is when they're given a situation to react to. A lot of times it can be self harming, abuse of drugs, alcohol...ect. Ultimately we don't really realize how effectively dangerous we are being towards ourselves or those around us. We don't intentionally want to do it, it's that we feel we must prove the other if they're truly the one who can feel love towards us.

One thing you'll see a lot from BPD is we're deeply sensitive, emotional, dependent, on whoever is taking care of us. Abandonment, is a borderlines WORST fear.

You feel you can't handle him or you are advice to leave him, that would be a terrible decision. If he knew you'd leave or you do, it could become life threatening.

Take it up with someone who knows about how it is with another BPD.

My mother has BPD and she acts just like your husband does. Towards me, she acts like she needs me, tells me how much she loves me, gives me some affection, but when she's alone with me after an hour or so, she treats me like I don't deserve her. She becomes verbally abusive and acts like I should just kill myself and be the end of it. It makes me feel heart-breaking to have a mother treat you that way and the same must feel for you in a way.

Is it abuse? Slightly, but not intentional. However, working with him, maybe giving him space or having him do remedial task that he'd like to do instead, could help. Maybe speaking in a softer tone that gives away a sound of comfort and understand can change his mind. I'm not a therapist or anyone licensed on giving advice, but maybe looking up some things about Borderline Personality Disorder can enlighten you about some things. Or go to the BPD forum and ask some questions to them about how you should handle the situation.

Don't become irrational, give him time and hopefully you two can work things out. No matter how bad he makes you feel, just know that you can be strong and really try to seek help for the both of you.