I get what you are saying about the Psyc Ward. I am 53. My parents sent me to one when I was 14. I felt so safe because I knew what was going to happen every day. Consistency makes for comfort! I try to make sure I have a few things in my life that are the same every day. I have dogs and I have to take care of them so there is one thing! I didn't start to have the suicidal thoughts until right before I was diagnosed at 35. The meds have always helped until I became unable to work and in terrible pain about two years ago. Since then the old tapes have been playing in my head and they won't shut off! I've been working with a therapist and it seems that once I opened Pandora's Box everything came flooding out faster than I could handle. I also have a son on meth who I haven't talked to in over a year and my Dad is fighting brain cancer. I feel like most of my life has been spent putting out fires and I can't keep up anymore! That is when I really need to get out of myself and think about somebody who is worse off than I am! I'm not homeless and there is food on the table. The other side of my mind says "So what!" "Why me?" I could go on. Sometimes I just want to step out from in between the two and slap them both silly. And then I remember! I am in control of my thoughts and actions. If I tape over the old tapes long enough (like a cassette) the old one is still there, you just can't hear it as loud!