my former T started making advances on me sexually. he wanted to give me a massage. he wanted to hug me (we hadnt hugged each other ever in the 5 yrs we were working together). all of that escalated so quickly. it went to a very bad place. and it all started with a hug.

now that former T is gone and i have finally let myself be angry at him and what he did to me i seem to be more comfortable with touch. but only sometimes.

my current T and i hug sometimes. he makes me feel safe. he shows me that love doesnt include abuse. i remember one time when we were flying back from a different state together and i started hearing voices really bad and was really paranoid and stuck on an airplane. i covered my ears with my hands and just curled up in the seat. T was next to me and he rubbed my arm. it let me know that he was there and he was a safe person and he wouldnt let anything bad happen.

so yeah i am learning that there are different kinds of touch. i am learning how to set boundaries around touch that i do not like or want. i am becoming more open to healthy touch. i even hug my friend sometimes. before when anyone would touch me i would instantly get very angry. but now it feels safer.