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I think you should remind yourself how important you are. I can definitely observe grief and loss is difficult for you, however you have to recognize your own importance separate from others. You have come to far, don't allow yourself to take that regression.
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Your T did not say that your reflexive desire to drown your feelings in pills meant you didn't value yourself.
She gave you a comforting, yet neutral, answer that neither gave you permission to whack yourself out with pills nor ordered you not to do it. Instead she asked you to consider some things and to make a good decision based on those things...
Remind yourself that you're important. You have trouble with loss and grief. Recognize that you have importance separate from other people. You've made a lot of progress. It would be a mistake to allow yourself to regress back to previous behaviors.
She never said she thought you didn't value yourself. She asked you to remind ... recognize ... don't regress away from your progress.
In my opinion, that was a very nice text, a communication between equals. She asked you to consider some things, but in the end she left the decision to you. You had already made the decision. You regressed a teeny bit, but not all the way back. Your response to her sounded honest and straight forward. Good job!