You are welcome Jane, if I learn anything from my own healing journey I do my best to share it. I know how hard it is for a while and I try to think about what would have helped me more at the time. I was somewhat rushed when I posted this morning, lol run on sentences galore, I am surprised you were able to follow it all.

I think it is great that you share your emotional challenges here, I can see how your other family members discourage it, and I am so sorry you have experienced that. I was lucky that my mother always "listened" to whatever I shared of my emotional challenges, I know that is important. I miss that because in all my challenge with PTSD, my mother had her challenges and then had a stroke and developed dementia. I know that my mother would have had an open mind if I had a chance to tell her about PTSD. My mother always told me I am strong, she believes in me and I can beat this. I don't know where my mother got it from because her mother was "cold" towards her, not loving at all. My mother would never think of critiquing my dishes, instead she would find out what I liked and make it a point to add to it.

I think that when a person is with the right people and can really "share" their emotions, it makes all the difference in the world. There has not been anything you have shared that I think is "unreasonable" either. I know you have things you look back on and don't like how you reacted, but honestly, I am sure if I sat and listened to your experiences I would be able to "understand". See, when we sit with another person and learn how they count from 1-20, it is easy to understand the "whys" behind whatever ways they responded to different situations they were presented with.

Healing Jane from "trauma" or even many traumas is like suddenly being handed an arubix cube, pretty damn hard to figure it out, get one side to match but not the others.
However, if you have someone show you the formula for doing it, and you practice it, you would be able to do it really easily after a while.

I raised a daughter who is challenged with dyslexia. I had to learn how her brain worked, and it is different from mine. My daughter has a high IQ, but she doesn't like clutter, well her brain does best when things are simple and she has learned that about herself and keeps her environment simple. One thing I had to help her with is how she used to be so hard on herself when she made mistakes or struggled to do what her mind pictured. My daughter counts from 1-20 differently, it's ok, doesn't have to be like me or anyone else for that matter.

As far as sharing your history is concerned, you don't have to share "every" detail, you only need to pay attention to what is important, what comes up that challenges you emotionally.

As you well know by now, it can be "inconvenient", but while it is inconvenient, keep yourself doing things as you are "in the now" too.

((Hugs))
OE