Thanks for the responses. I wish someone had a magic 'fix' for all this, but I know that noone does. I appreciate the support and non-judgement though.

I am currently avoiding husband. I know it's going to be another night of forced sex...just like last night and the night before. I try to go somewhere else in my head and pray it ends quickly, but lately it's been vivid flashbacks that I just can't seem to escape. To make the situation even worse, he will not let me shower afterwards. His smell lingers and its a struggle not to vomit.

It's funny (not haha...) how so many people make leaving, and staying gone, sound so easy. I wish it really was. Actually, what I really wish is rather cruel: I wish all the self righteous people who say I bring it on myself by not "simply leaving" could spend a week in my life, and THEN tell me how easy it is to simply leave.

Of course, like so many others, I've perfected the art of hiding what goes on in my personal life. At work (I'm a nurse, of all things), I'm just known as the quiet one who focuses on my patients. I don't interract with other staff any more than necessary. To some that makes me 'a b***h'. It bothers me to be referred to or viewed that way, but it would bother me more for anyone IRL to know what my life is really like. Its too humiliating.

Anyway, I'm just babbling to avoid the inevitable. He will be searching for me soon so I need to go.