I have BPD but also moderate to severe major depressive disorder, and tonight I just feel as though I can't hang on. I wonder if I'm making it a bigger deal than it really is, though.... I know I have a history of "wanting" to be depressed but I'm really feeling it tonight. I want to keep fighting, to be happy and independent, but I am so tired of fighting. Been fighting for 18 years now and I don't know how long I can keep going. I guess I just need someone to understand that I am weak, that I absolutely CANNOT fight this anymore. That I am incapable of dealing right now. But of course, tomorrow will probably be a different story. Sad, I was in DBT off and on for four years and I did really well with it, but now I can't seem to recall a single skill to use. I'm just tired of not giving up. I'm weary and jaded and I just don't want to fight anymore. But I suppose I HAVE to....otherwise, where would I be if I didn't? I just need someone who cares and no one I know is available to talk or willing to listen.

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