Wow, think I am about at my limit as far as that is concerned...

My dads just ended up in jail(not sure all the why or what not but hopefully things will work out and he'll be out of that mess before too long)...but he also had two dogs he wasn't planning on getting rid of that I have for the time being...but moms already on my back about finding them somewhere else and to be honest I don't know anyone, not sure my brother or any other family members would know anyone who could take them for a while...and I don't even have the energy to take care of dogs honestly so not sure what to do with that situation, trying to take it one day at a time but I need some slack about finding somewhere else because on top of that my moms house is kinda stressful with her and her boyfriends arguing and drama...not to mention my depression and ptsd have really been kicking my ***** lately...and its all just overwhelming and making me much more easily frustrated. And its like the mercilessly go on about any time I forget to put something away or whatever...well I am kind of struggling right now so a little understanding that I might not exactly be all in the present and on top of every little thing, not that even when I am doing alright I can stay on top of everything....why!? and they're canceling my food stamps, I am supposed to fill out something for medicaid and I don't even know where to start with that.

I am just letting everyone down, can't keep up with things....have no idea how to find a temporary home for the dogs that would provide for my dad getting them back once he takes care of the legal trouble, starting to get kinda b*tchy and irritable at people and harder time with dealing with frusteration over little things like misplacing something due to feeling exhausted and frustrated and overwhelmed....Don't even have any real will to live, if I keep living than more opportunities to let people down it seems like. Also I'd like to think if I feel it nessisary I could go to the ER but if I get hospitalized before figuring something out for the dogs then my mom and her boyfriend will probably just give them away to some random person or something stupid(so might end up trying to hold out longer than I can to avoid that but then I never know for sure sometimes the darkness lifts on its own just enough to where I am alright and not worried about being a danger to myself..its just a lot of crap to deal with, and don't think I am dealing with it so great.

I couldn't even make a damn pot of coffee earlier, with a french press(i think they are called) without it just about turning into a complete catastrophe....first I go up to make it cause my brother was going to work and wanted some and I decided I kinda wanted some to so I went up to make it and then of course could not find the coffee anywhere till I looked in a spot I had somehow repeatedly missed it....of course I was frusterated and thought my mom or boyfriend must have hid it or something because they where complaining about me leaving my mail out earlier(kinda stupid I guess), then of course I had let these dogs out to go to the bathroom and they escaped the yard while I was frantically searching for my coffee because someone left the back gate open, so now my throat hurts from calling the dogs to come back luckily they did....but damn, can't even make a simple pot of coffee without a bunch of stress and a headache. Not sure the point of this or if there is a better section for it....I think getting over-stressed and overwhelmed is common in most mental illness though so figured this section would work, just venting some in any sense.