Quote:
Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl
I think possibly what you are doing is hanging onto the idea that you deserve this misery, and don't deserve healing, because then you would have to face the grief and pain and vast unfairness of realising that your abuse was wrong. The way you're thinking now keeps the grief at arm's length, and prevents you grieving for yourself.
|
I utterly despise the idea that there was no reason for what happened. I don't know why but it scares me.
Sometimes I feel like I'm holding in this giant mess of emotion and it terrifies me that if I let it out I won't be able to stop it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by substancelessblue
Is it possible you are stuck in a victim identity? I do the same thing and it's really comforting. Because change is too scary. It means changing so much we are used to. I still have the thoughts you have, but the one thing I do is go to all therapy appointments. I don't know, I guess it's the easiest option for me. But remember therapy appointments are not too much to ask. It's just the T's job.
|
I tend to worry more that I'm taking it from someone who needs it more.
I see what you mean about change. There's something about feeling good about myself that just doesn't sit well with me. It's uncomfortable. Maybe because I'm not used to it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisWayOut
what would it take to get you to a place that allows you to consider the possibility that you are not all those bad things you think of yourself?  |
I think part of the reason I have some trouble with this is because other people in my life that I have cared for have also been less than nice. It kind of reinforces the idea that there is something inherently wrong with me that people can sniff out.
I think it may end up being a loop for me in that while ever I dislike myself I will attract people who will abuse me but until I can find someone who will genuinely support and love me I don't know that I will ever find self worth.
Thank you, guys.
I guess this is another thing I'm going to have to bring up in therapy. The list just keeps growing.
