i have given my T many of my journals. he says he feels sad for me, he says there is so much pain expressed in them, so much suffering. journaling was a big part of our therapy at first because i found it hard to say things to him. it was easier to write it in a journal and just hand it to him. most of the time i didnt like it when he read it in front of me. idk why but i felt very exposed. but when he did that i can also see his reactions. sometimes he makes little noises and i wonder what hes reading then that made him do that.

i dont journal that much anymore, but i do email him journal-like things sometimes. i text him pretty much every day and just check in. sometimes i email him things that i am too scared to talk about in person. so i say, T, i dont want to talk about this yet. i guess i feel like there are things he needs to know but they are too scary to talk about then. so i just let him know these things and then avoid talking about it, lol. he doesnt push me to talk about anything that is traumatic. he waits for me to bring it up on my own