I guess I want her to tell me that things will be okay, that she doesn't think I'm awful or disgusting, that she is still on my side and still safe for me. I want to be able to talk about the things I wrote down eventually, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. And I want to know that I am not alone, that she will be with me as I walk through all that junk, and that I can tell her anything and don't have to be afraid.