A friend died of cancer recently and I was so envious. I want to die but I'm afraid of how it will affect (effect?) others. I don't want to be the cause of so much sadness so I refrain but oh, if I had cancer no one could blame me and I wouldn't seek treatment. I'd kill myself when the time was right. People dying of natural causes get to have company and support while they die, but those of us who are suicidal have to crawl off to some dark corner and die alone and miserable. Not fair.