I mean this with a sincere desire to help, so I hope you will take it in that light.

How you perceive the woman's (or anyone's) tone is not necessarily the way she (or anyone else) meant it.

The way I read the experience, the woman was trying to help you and you snapped at her and then justified your own admittedly juvenile response.

All the extra verbiage in your posts make me think there is a whole lot going on with you that has nothing to do with your job or the people who are present at your workplace. The website, the child and the woman with the cigarette don't make much sense.

I've worked with people who have been on a rigid, self-defeating path for many, many years, and I have listened to them complain about the unfairness of it all and here is what I see to be the truth: They are on a path of their own devising, even if they do not realize it.

Do you have a therapist? I think you'd find one very helpful.