Hello friends!

Cannot imagine why my headline would want to make anyone want to read this.

I have been in a state of hypomanic lift off for so long now, and I've done some really crazy things, and I think now maybe I am crashing. Mixed moods today, mainly crying and feeling terrible and sad. I wrote someone a long crazy email, part of me was like 'this is crazy, it's always crazy when you write a long emotional email' but I didn't listen and I know I hurt that person. And even though she was nice about it and I apologized and supposedly everything is OK, I just feel terrible and sad, like on some level I'll never have a chance to be close to that person really. My house is a mess, I can't motivate to do anything about it, can't get off the couch, just reading the bipolar forum and crying.

Do you ever get so tired of being hypo manic or manic that you wish for a crash? I don't have long bouts with depression, 3 days, a week tops, I am BPII rapid cycling, but when I am just lifting off and spinning like this forever, I want to crash and be still and catatonic. That is terrible.

OK. I'm gonna get up and put on NPR. Hearing someone talk to me helps. And I'll make coffee and try and clean for a while.

To anyone who read this, thanks for reading this post about nothing, sorry I am such a mess right now, so happy to have this place where I can at least basically say this.

OK
MT