I wasn't true virgin because I had horrible sex for one time before three years but I called myself virgin because it wasn't normal sex.
So at least I slept with my boyfriend.
We did it for four times.
When I as sober;
When I was drunk
When I was on mdma+alcohol+benzos but still almost sober because I have high tolerance to that stuff.

I never enjoyed it. When I was sober it was painful thought I did it before. I didn't enjoy oral sex too. Sex is okay only when I do it by myself.
So I can't understand- will I never like sex? Why I don't like it? Maybe he isn't right guy for me? Nothing turns me on with him.
And I love another man who I can;t have. My boyfriend is not him and I can't imagine that he is because sex is too horrible to think.