Dear Whoaminoone.

Even though I have never married or been a mother myself, I will try to give you some advice from a 'legal point of view', with regard to finding a course of action to get you into a safe place with your children away from this monstrous coward.

First and foremost you need to be keeping a journal of events, including times, types of abuse, witnesses, injuries etc. Be as emotive as possible, including how you were made to feel, feelings of fear, anxiety etc. If possible, try to make sound recordings of altercations and verbal abuse. Both the journal & recordings will go a long way to proving your case to the police and eventually to the courts if it comes to that.

Next be as transparent to as many people as you can about what is gong on, as he is using your shame to continue his abusive behaviour.....I understand you have feelings of guilt and humiliation after years of abuse, but putting a spotlight on this monsters actions is a positive way forward for you and your children. Being open about all that is going on gives him nowhere to hide.

I appreciate just how difficult and frightening it is to 'Just Leave', .....most definitely a bit more complicated than that. You have to make a detailed plan....not just a general plan. Endeavour to put as much money aside as possible, have a bag packed for you and your children, gather important documents that you may need......and keep all of these hidden from your husband, perhaps keep them somewhere away from your home such as a trusted friends house or storage facility.

Lastly, keep posting here on Psych Central when you can. We are an extremely empathetic and supportive community. There is a big wide world out there Whoaminoone, and you and your children deserve a piece of it, and the chance to feel happy and safe.

Be kind to yourself Whoaminoone. Q.L