I think I have realized lately how my bad body image is affecting me a lot more than I thought.

I am a bit overweight. I never really thought I was, I always considered myself "normal", but when do you pass that line? I weigh more than most boys I know. It has been like that for years and years, though, but it's really getting to me now that it's not how it is supposed to be. I have always been heavy-set, in a way, always been very strong etc., and honestly when I look at myself in the mirror I don't see fat, not at all. But I am slowly starting to notice it. I have been bothered by aspects of my body for a long time - cellulites, increasing stomach fat (I used to just have thigh fat, which is healthier), my breasts have gotten bigger in the last few years, etc. But it has started to occur to me more and more lately that I have probably progressed into being overweight, at least a bit. I don't think people would think that of me, especially not if they saw me with my clothes on.

I love food, I love beer, I love chips. And I hate excercising. Or, it's not so bad when you actually do it, but... I hate gyms. I truly do, and probably always will. Feel much more in my element when I am outside, but there another problem arises: I have asthma and allergies, this causes me to get a rash while running etc., my body itches and I get red spots all over. This sometimes happens after a shower aswell so it might be a temperature thing. But generally I believe I am just lazy. I have never lost weight in my life, just slowly gained since I was little, so to be honest I don't know how to do that. Where to start. I am one of those people who get impatient if I don't see results right away. And I am NOT willing to give up f. ex. beer or various kinds of food, then I'd rather have a few pounds too many.

My self-esteem is not so bad, I think I am funny, intelligent, not awful-looking. But still I don't see myself as someone people feel attracted to, I basically never flirt, and I am afraid of taking the initiative with people when I have the chance. The last time I did I felt awesome afterwards, I'd taken control and it had worked, but generally I think I at least sub-consciously think that no one would want to be with me because of my BODY, not my mind. I think it affects my general confidence and self-esteem more than I ever realized.