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I wish I could understand why she makes me so angry all the time lately. I feel totally terrified of how angry I feel about everything.
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I'm not certain, but I don't think it's anger at all; it sounds like rage. Anger normally arises from a specific incident, but being angry about everything in the manner in which you describe is usually known as rage.
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Originally Posted by Asiablue
She can be somewhat parental in terms of setting boundaries and being very caring so maybe that's some of it. I don't do well with therapists setting boundaries, particularly if I don't agree with them.I think I'm struggling with the power imbalance and with giving up control and letting her do her job. These are all flashpoints for me and they're all coming up, I feel genuine panic when she takes control of certain areas in a parental way, and even tho it might me for my own good, it sparks panic and I want to kick against it. It feels like I've experienced this same panic in my past but I can't remember any exact instances.
I just feel very rebellious and oppositional right now. I push her away from me yet miss feeling close to her. It's like I'm chasing my own tail.
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Was your mother really controlling, not letting you have autonomy?
Anyway, As much as it sux, I think this might prove very beneficial for you and I also think your doing good work!! Wish I could let mine out....my therapist wants me to do that. Maybe it's coming soon.
Hang in there! It won't be forever.
Adding a link about this subject that might be useful: