I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I think you owe it to yourself - to take some time and be kind to yourself. You deserve to be loved.

You clearly have a lot of compassion for others - and I think you put a lot of energy into how you affect others whom you interact with. While it is important to remain aware of these things - and own up to the mistakes that we inevitably make on our journey through life - it is also VITAL to forgive ourselves and know that we are fallible. No amount of therapy, no amount of awareness or DBT skills can take away our tendencies to make mistakes - and I especially know this from personal experience.

Everyone makes interpersonal mistakes. Everyone feels guilty for things they've done and said and how they may have ruined others lives through the challenges they bring to the table... But we have to remind ourselves that our feelings and our problems are there for a reason, and dwelling on the fact that we did this, or did that in the past - is a trap that leads to more guilt and shame than we can handle... It can bog us down and stunt growth if we allow ourselves to become overwhelmed with feelings of, "we are to blame..." Although we may in fact be to blame in some cases - what happened in the past - stays in the past: what matters is how you utilize those mistakes and learning(s) into moving forward, while trying your best not to repeat them.

I feel so much guilt for things I've done in the past. I find that when I re-enter therapy - I am caught up on these feelings of guilt - and before long my therapist says, "that's enough - haven't you beat yourself up already? Let's move past this..."

This caught me off guard the first time it happened - it was almost rude - and I took it as a very invalidating statement... To brush off my feelings of guilt for my past mistakes... It hurt me at first. But the truth is I was dwelling on them far more than I needed to - and hearing someone else say that - was extremely validating. When I thought I needed to spend time on my guilt and shame - I realized that I had spent so much time dealing with it - that I never really moved past it: and that is the point of dealing with shame and guilt, is it not? To move past it?

Truth is - I feel as though I could beat up on myself forever and always, and I think a lot of us borderlines feel this way. But I also know that in learning to have healthy relationships with others, (which is vital to us borderlines) - I must first build a solid foundation and a stable relationship with myself.

That whole, "if you don't love yourself - you cannot love others," bit has some validity, at least, for me it does.

In saying this - I feel very hopeful for you. I think you are a very insightful human being - who has a ton to offer both yourself and others. I just think you should cut yourself some slack, because ultimately - building better relationships with others starts with taking care of you - and learning to take better care of you starts with self-acceptance and self-validation and self-compassion.

I hope I haven't said anything offensive - this is what comes to mind when I read what you wrote. I wish I was your friend out there in the real world.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz