I just want to make it as hard as possible to remember what's going to be coming, for that matter, what's happening now. I'm not exactly having an enjoyable life from a medical standpoint right now either.

Like I said something even as innocent as a Olympic poster on a wall can set me off (remind me of that blasted hospital.)

I've been in that blasted hospital during other Olympic years, or even when certain political events were taking place. I remember watching certain shows in the hospital. Seeing those shows or hearing of those events can remind me of the hospital.

So in effect, television can serve as a trigger for all of this. Since I feel so physically rotten all the time, it feels like I'm recovering from surgery all the time. I have shut my TV off. It is surgery that I do not seem to be recovering from.

My anger is not at you, Sky. It's at the pain and at the surgery that led to all this.

Watching the Olympics is just going to provide me a memory later on of when I was waiting for help and didn't get it. It'd just remind me of the time in my life when surgery was only months away. (I have to see a urologist for a subpubic cathetar.)

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.