I am finding that who I am is changing. I am just noticing now that I am not quite fitting how I use to be. I always use to want people to mother me, I use to kinda of put on this act, I can't really explain it, but I have a friend staying with me this week from the states. When we met online I was very "needy" and she and I connected. I saw something in her I needed, and she see something in me she needed. On her last visit here last yr I was pretty much the "me baby, you mummy" kind of person and I held all these fantasy's in my mind and refused to relate to her the person.

This time It doesn't feel right for me to do that. I am seeing her differently, infact if anything I am the more mature of the 2 of us and I see she has needs also that I never noticed before. I dont know how to describe this without sounding "catty" or "*****y" but its a change that is hitting me in the face right now. Shes a very nice woman, but I guess thats it, I am seeing her and not what I needed her to be like. I see her "defects" her needing to please me, her wanting to impress me. I never saw any of this before because I was to wrapped up in my fantasys.

I am so used to my T's genuine ways, and I dont say genuine meaning my friend is being ungenuine but is still coming from a place of a lot of unconsious ways. Its like I want to say to her "please its ok, you dont have to please me, you dont have to be anything special, its ok your ok just be as you are" I don't know, I guess I am so used to being the one thinking I am not good enought, that I never saw that anyone could see anything in me, would want to be my friend and I would try so hard to please, but being with T I am learning to "just be" and so used to be accepted by T that I just expect that from others also now and forget that others aren't always at that place.

Does this make sense????