You do sound very unhappy with your circumstances. I'm wondering what happened to you that you became so cut off from the world. Five years ago, you were probably in high school. Was that a miserable experience? Something happened to you that convinced you that life was not really worth participating in. I think you have to work through that before you will have any much hope of changing anything. Something was not right many years ago, even before you became a teenager.

I don't believe that you are incapable of having more of a life. Your parents denigrating you is not helping. Has that been going on all your life?