Over the course of this past year my eleven year depression marathon seemed to be lightening. Last spring I had a relatively mild suicidal episode but it ended. Compared to what it was at 10-12 years old it was nothing. Over all it had been getting better. In fact just a mere 2 1/2 weeks ago I would've been able to post in the success stories.
A week and a half ago I noticed that my thoughts were getting a little morbid- not suicidal, just morbid. Not long after I noticed it some very serious stress symptoms kicked in. Just starting college and just moving to a new location in a new state likely contributed. Oddly enough since I moved here I was the happiest I had been since I was a small child- before depression.
Well that changed, things have been escalating very quickly this past week. What went from stress dived directly into some of the most severe depressive episode I have ever had. I haven't thought much on the how to die but more of the simply wanting so very badly to die. I feel like I've lost all control of my life. I had my depression pinned down, and now it has me pinned down. It's terrifying how quickly the tables turned. I'm afraid it'll get worse.
I won't do it though, I do have family, pets and a singular friend to think about... well I hope it's enough anyways. It was the last time I pulled myself from the edge, so it might be again.

I need help.