I know, that's why I feel so horrible, I can't live with the thought and the guilt of knowing what I've done to her and the heart I ruined. I just wish I knew what I had. I wish I would've listened to her the couple times she brought it up. I wish I could've gotten out of my head and into reality. I just want to show her I WANT to be different. There were times I would wake up and and tell myself, 'I don't want to be this way I hate this' I wish instead I would've done research and try to figure out what it was I had. I just felt so hopeless like I didn't have a disease, that it was just something I wasn't strong enough to do, control myself. I just wish she knew this time it isn't words. It's actions, and they're real.