Hi Jane, I responded to you in that thread so I hope you will see it. I did not realize I was doing that at the time, however, as long as you can see it, that's all that is important.

It's really good that you are finally verbalizing these challenges that take place. It is definitely time for you to finally get a chance to work through these difficult experiences. It is difficult to turn around and face the wolf, however as you stand firm in your desire to do so you will finally gain the upper hand you always deserved to have. You will begin to understand that as you continue to work at it. You definitely deserve this too.

Jane, also because you are raising a child and you are the kind of person that wants to do that right, as we do this we begin to realize what we did not get somehow. You holding your son's hand because you really love him is going to provoke your own memories of how that was absent for "you". It's very important that you understand that this "lack" in your childhood never meant you were unworthy of it either, a lot of this lack is a result of the generation your mother grew up in and developed her own understanding of "how to do life". Parents in the 60's and 70's were often very "selfish", there was not very much really known about child development in that generation. That was the Hugh Heffner exhibitionist generation and not much genuine discussion taking place of the "value of children". No, it was more about "self love" which definitely became a distraction "away" from the children of that time.

Unfortunately, this also led to what challenged you in your generation of "selfish" intimacy.

((Hugs))
OE