I had everything, I fear I may have lost it all.

Why did I take for granted the things that I should have been more grateful for? Why am I such a pale shadow of my former self? Even though I resemble the same person I was many years ago, what I see now is a hollow, lifeless, unhealthy, unhappy, unattractive shadow of my former self.

I was praised and loved, I was told I was 'beautiful', I never really liked it at the time, I hated it, it made me feel alienated, I was remarkable, unique and special, but I hated it because the jealous and spiteful people around me made me feel awful for being 'remarkable'. I spent so much of time praying so that one day I could be 'unremarkable'

..... and it happened, it was all my fault, I didn't take good care of myself because the people around me made me hate my looks, I've transformed into something that lacks all it's former glory. Things aren't any different now, back then I was sick of all the praise, now I'm sick of all the ridicule. Praise felt a lot better than ridicule

Hurtful words have been said to me recently, my aunt said 'you look nothing like you once did', with a smirk on her face ; she had no intention of hiding it either. My mom says 'someone put a curse on you, son'. I can't believe what has happened to me, neither can the people around me, some are sad about it, others express their glee, since putting someone else down makes a lot of people feel better about themselves.

I've always been the same person at heart, that's what hurts me the most.