Tomorrow I go to see my therapist. I am on the fence about whether to keep seeing her. She's great, and we've connected more than I have with almost everyone else I've gone to.

But after one session of EMDR, I can't even think straight. Flashbacks, that I haven't had for years, are back. I went to the store by myself, and nearly ran out of there like there was a fire at my back. Before restarting this whole therapy thing, stuff like that wasn't happening. I would have a little anxiety going anywhere, but I learned how to handle it. Now I feel like even breathing is something that doesn't come automatically... I'm finding myself holding my breath, or breathing too fast. I'm scared to leave the house, for fear that I'll have a panic attack. Its like all the work I did over the years is just gone.

I'm tempted to just shove everything back into the hole I dumped it in and move on. But my body hates that. My body hates this crap even more. I'm just not sure what to do. Is there any therapy that you all have done that isn't so intense right at the start? I feel like if I'm going to tackle this, I need it to be super slow, or someone'll find me on the side of the road shaking and mumbling unintelligibly (that's a fear... probably not going to happen, but still).