Oh Rep97, I am sorry you are having these challenges. A flashback can come with a visual "or" re-experiencing an emotional flashback too. I have experienced what you are discribing and I know how disabling it feels. I found that if it was a flashback I had to wait until it was over and then I "slowly" worked on figuring out what it meant. Yes, there is a strong feeling of shame and guilt, but those feelings will ease up with time and your working through the PTSD "slowly" with support.

Have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

If you do have PTSD, what you need to learn is that when you have these experiences, do not "feed into them", it takes time to learn how not to do that, but, if you are experiencing a PTSD flashback, you will learn that what helps is to keep reminding yourself that whatever comes forward is "not now" and as you figure out what it means and say, "yes I remember but that is not "now", it will help to reduce the power of the flashback.

I used to head for my bed too, and the reason that helped was that when I felt "safe" I gradually realized in my brain, "no danger and no reason to keep producing cortisol" and then the brain stops and whatever is there readying us for fight or flight dicipates. And you will feel better. That is why you don't want to feed into it, you have to learn you are not really "in" danger, you are just feeling like you are, so you will not need to keep producing the cortisol.

You really need to talk about this with your psychiatrist, he is not "judging" you or knowing your thoughts either, but he does need to know you are experiencing this so he can prescribe some medication to help you with this until you can get to a point where you are better at controlling it yourself.

Hun, there is nothing to be ashamed of, or guilty of either, you can work through this.

((Gentle Caring Comforting Hugs))
OE