Hello everyone I hope you are doing well today.

Today my Doctor signed me off work for 4 months so we can focus on treating my worsening depression. It was that or be dragged kicking and screaming to the hospital against my will. I have treatment-resistant Major Depressive Disorder with stress induced psychosis. My Doctor says my case is a little bit unique to him because I have a history of pulmonary embolism in response to hormone treatment- threw a clot last year and almost died, all thanks to my birth control pills So he is extremely wary to start me on an anti-psychotic medication. He's getting in touch with a medical specialist who works for the manufacturer of Latuda to see if that drug is an option for me. My family doctor has given me strict orders to not take anything that is going to mess with my hormones though so she'll probably ask him to not put me on it.

Tried CBT, find it helps a bit, currently waiting to get in to a coping skills group but not looking forward to that (probably my anxiety talking). I mediate and try to get some light exercise in everyday. I'm going to be honest, I hate meds. They scare me and I've had such unexpected side effects from even simple things like ibuprofen. Right now I'm on Pristiq but today I was just upped past the max. recommended dose and we are trying 150 mg now to see if it will do anything to help me. I feel like I'm on a prescription pill roller coaster. My symptoms are getting intolerable, if I could I'd shove a whole field of cotton in my head just to get the voices to shut up and stop encouraging me to go lay down on the train tracks outside I battle against suicidal thoughts and fantasies on a daily basis.

I'm wondering if ECT would be a viable option for me. I am doing a bit of reading and it seems to have a pretty promising success rate for MDD. I'm so young though, am I jumping the gun on this? I'd really love to hear from anyone here who has undergone treatment or has experience with ECT and MDD. I find the procedure fascinating, and a little bit frightening. If it means I could have a chance at being stable, even for a bit, I'd be willing to take any risks.