You came to the right place for help. There are a lot of smart people and people who have been through the same thing as you.

I tried to commit suicide more than 20 years ago by taking 30+ Benadryl and it didn't do anything except make my mouth reallly dry. But like someone said, an addiction is an addiction and you should get help.

Someone else said to give your money to somebody to hold so you can't get the Benadryl. That may actually be a good idea. If you don't have any money, you can't buy it.