I've been feeling the same way as of recently. Lately I've been doing really small silly things to try and stay hopeful like making a list of my favorite things, things I don't want to miss out on. Stuff like old favorite movies I haven't seen in forever or red velvet cupcakes which I haven't made in forever. Little things to give you purpose and hope. That might not work for you, but I just thought I'd mention it. You will come out of this. This downward spiral won't last forever. There is hope.